What to say (and NOT to say) to kids about COVID-19. Helpful tips for talking with kids about the Coronavirus pandemic from a licensed therapist and mental health counselor.
How To Talk To Kids About COVID-19
Parents are wondering what to say to their young children regarding COVID-19. It’s especially difficult because no one, not even the president, has all the information we need right now to help us feel safe. We’re all experiencing the uncertainty together.
As you know, children are like sponges, absorbing information constantly from their surroundings.
Even if you’re not talking to them directly about the virus, they are receiving information about it. They know something is very different. They’re reading your body language, and picking up on the increase of stress in the house.
Many school-aged children are wondering when they will return to school, and the answer is uncertain. If you’ve been wondering how to talk to your small child about this pandemic, here are a few things to consider.
Tips for Talking with Kids About the Coronavirus Pandemic
1. Practice Active Listening
Active listening means you lean in, or kneel down, to meet their eye level. Offer a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder when they talk to you. Wrap both your hands around their small hands.
Do these things even when they ask you a simple question like, “May I have a snack?”
We need active listening and gentle touch right now to co-regulate and soothe one another.
2. Use Reflection Statements
Reflection means that when you hear them speak, you repeat back to them what you just heard.
If they say, “When will I go back to school?” simply say, “You’re wondering when you will go back to school” and then STOP talking, but maintain eye contact and/or physical touch.
This creates space for them to respond with a thought or feeling about the uncertainty they are experiencing. It can be as simple as that to start.
3. Make Observations
Observe their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language when they speak to you. Reflect back those observations as well. Here’s how:
Again, kneel down, maintain eye contact, offer a gentle touch, and say: “You sound frustrated” or “You look disappointed.”
Then, hold the space!
Avoid trying to make them feel better right away. Your physical presence is what they need to feel better. Just make the statement and leave a space for them to respond. Their frustration or boredom is NOT your problem to solve, it is THEIR feeling to experience.
By doing this, you indirectly communicate SO MANY things: that their feelings are okay to share with you, that you notice they are struggling, that THEY MATTER.
This is what we all need right now.
4. Combine These Skills
Once you gain some experience with reflection, it can become more complex – a combination of reflecting their words, what you assume they are feeling, their tone of voice, body language, behavior, etc.
For example, “I hear the boredom in your voice. It’s tough not to be in school, isn’t it?”
When you make an assumption about how they are feeling, follow it with “Did I get that right? You’re feeling bored?”
This takes practice, so be gentle on yourself. Start with the simple active listening skills and reflections.
Remember, you are not a therapist, just like you are probably not a homeschool teacher! Give yourself permission to try these things, and fail a few times before you get it right.
A Few Specific Do’s And Don’ts
Don’t simply tell them it’s all going to be okay. We do not have control over the situation, therefore we cannot make that assumption. Instead of offering promises that you’re unsure about, tell them the truth.
The truth right now is “I don’t know.”
Don’t tell them that everything will go back to normal soon. It’s likely that this is going to affect us in big and small ways for a very long time. While we will regain parts and pieces of normalcy, we will likely all be different when this is over.
Do say: “When you return to school, some things might be the same, and some things might be different.”
Do acknowledge their thoughts and feelings. “It is hard not to know right now. It’s very scary.” Often a simple reflection of what they are thinking and feeling is all they need to feel seen and heard.
Say: “You’re feeling sad right now. It’s a sad time.”
Do acknowledge your own thoughts and feelings, and model this for your child. As the parent it’s difficult not to have all the answers. However, having the answers won’t necessarily make things better during this time. Focus on coping with the uncertainty instead of trying to grab onto control.
Say: “We are all learning how to be okay with not knowing the answers right now.”
Do explain the facts to them in words they can understand. Don’t give them information that does not directly affect them. For example, they need to know that school will be online for a while. They do not need to know how many people have died. That’s too complex of a concept for their young minds to understand.
If someone they personally know has died from the virus, you need to tell them. We will provide more information on how to do that in another article.
Do filter complex news updates by limiting news intake. Read it on your laptop or watch it when they’ve gone to bed.
Don’t let them overhear you talking about money with your spouse, unless it is truly going to affect them directly. If it is, then have a conversation with them in words they can understand. For example, “The virus is affecting everyone, not just us, and we are going to need to make some changes. You might not be able to continue your piano lessons.” In more severe cases, “We may need to share one car, move into a smaller house, move in with grandma, rely on help from the government,” etc.
Remember, we’re all in this together. Every parent in the world is trying to figure out how to talk to their kids about COVID-19. You are not alone.
Reach out to other parents during this time for support. Try to keep your cup full so that your children may continue to drink from your overflow.
You matter, and you’re doing the very best that you can.
By Holly Golden, MA, LMFT, LMHC {Read more about Holly here.}
Read more in this series…
Read the next post in this series: Simple Activities to Help Kids Cope with Big Feelings
Or visit the Helping Kids Cope with the Coronavirus Pandemic series main page for updates for more information.
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